NBA Draft Review and Free Agency Predictions

First I need to give a shout out to my fellow blogger Randall Gary Sargent and his wife Madison on being pregnant with their first child. Couldn't be happier for two people, wish I could say the same for the Jazz's draft pick last Thursday, I feel quite the opposite.

I THINK WE NEEDED A BIG, BUT I COULD BE WRONG

Ok, I think I'm dreaming, the Jazz just drafted the kid off the front of Mad Magazine. Do I think Hayward is NBA ready? No, he's a mix between Ike Tingey and well Ike Tingey. He's tall, lanky, white, slow, and not polished. Just exactly what the Jazz needed. We could look at it this way : 1.) We can say goodbye to Kyle Korver, who is our best shooter. 2.) This means the Jazz could be aggressively trying to shop Andrei Kirilenko (Maybe Stalin who just bought the Nets would be a taker.) 3.) The worst player to ever put on Jazz uniform (C.J. Miles) will start next year with Hayward having to share minutes. Do I think the Jazz took the best player on the board? Right now, yes. But that doesn't fill our needs. As a team that will be lacking size when Carlos Boozer bolts in free agency, we still lack length, and we just punched our ticket to a first round loss in the playoffs, if we make the playoffs. I bet Deron Williams is thrilled with this pick, as he pours himself a screwdriver every morning. So let's say I own a mini van, and I drive to the dealership and buy another mini van. So now I have two mini vans. I pull up in the driveway with my wife expecting me to have a different car picked out. "Look what I got honey! A Brand new 2011 mini van." She replies, "Sweetheart we already have one." "Babe but now we have two mini vans!." "Hey Chris, can you check the back tire for me? It looks a little low." As I put my head behind the tire, she immediately throws it in reverse. That's honestly the dialogue that Jazz management has in the war room. "Let's take Hayward." "Kevin, we already have a log jam at the 3." "But he's white, lanky, slow, and can barely shoot, we need more of these guys." "Ok, pull the trigger." Sigh, another long year for the Jazz.

THIS SUMMER WILL BE OFF THE HOOK

The only thing better than the free agency frenzy is Katy Perry's California Girls song, it's probably the best Summer tune of all time. You know college kids down in Cancun are getting absolutely sauced while listening to this song and partying, not that I have any idea how that works..... but anyways, back to my predictions. So where is everybody ending up when it's all said in done? This is about as tough to predict as the Simpson's "Who shot Mr Burns" contest that ran in the mid-90's. I had Waylon Smithers down, who would have though Maggie Simpson? Anyways, let's run down the list and why they are heading there.

LeBron James - Ok, so middle of the year LeBron comes out and says "I'm changing my number to 6, this is MJ's number." That there raises flags. Why not change it when you were 2 or 3 years into the league? You are now just realizing that you will never be on MJ's level? LeBron's going to Chicago.
Let's narrow down his choices:

New York Knicks - The Knicks have the ability to sign another max player other than LeBron but their team just isn't great. Nobody should ever have to kick the ball out to Chris Duhon for three. Eddie House maybe. You may as well kick it out to Helen Keller for 3 because it ain't going in.

Miami Heat - The Heat have the luxury of signing two max players besides Dwayne Wade. So maybe Chris Bosh, LeBron James, and Dwayne Wade. I smell 2003 Dallas Mavericks all over that, too many superstars. The year Dallas started Nash, Jamison, Antoine Walker God help us), Dirk Nowitzki, and Michael Finley (the black look a like of Todd Boucher). Wade and James couldn't co-exist, they both need the ball in their hands at all times. The team would be scary good, but none of the superstars will give up handling the rock.

Chicago Bulls - They get one more luxury player besides LeBron which would most likely be Chris Bosh. Let's look at this lineup. Rose, a kid in a wheelchair, James, Bosh, Noah with Luol Deng coming off the bench with Taj Gibson. That team is winning 60 plus games.

So out of those three teams, who has the more attractive roster and the chance to win rings? Chicago, book it, he's signing with the Bulls.

Dwayne Wade - Unlike James, Wade isn't looking to move anywhere. He's always said that his heart is in Miami, kind of like Forrest always belonged with Jenny. (Anyone that argues that Forrest Gump isn't Tom Hanks' best movie should immediately be kicked between the legs.) Wade needs help though. I think Bosh, Boozer, or Amare could end up there. I think most likely Boozer ends up there with the help of one other max player. Wade stays in Miami and keeps the party rolling on South Beach.

Carlos Boozer - If the Jazz resign Carlos Boozer, I will drive to Kevin O'Connor's house, light a bag of poop on his door step, and run. Boozer will be a 14-16 million dollar mistake for the next 4 years. It's like me going to buy a treadmill at Sports Authority, I'll just waste 300 bucks on something I'll never get use out of. I'm looking forward to watching another team having Nene Hilario, Andray Blatche, Jimmy Dolan from "The Air Up There," and Erick Dampier light up Carlos Boozer. With that being said, I think Boozer winds up where he's always wanted to be, Miami. He has a home there, his son can live there without any issues (Oh Boy, it's Derek Fisher all over again.), and his wife can shop at Dash with Kourtney Kardashian. Say hello to South Beach Carlos, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Amare Stoudemire - The second worst defender in the league behind Carlos Boozer, who will undoubtedly dupe some team into giving him a max contract. The team that will be roofied by Amare? The New York Knicks. Where else could Amare go, put up great offensive numbers and not play a lick of defense? That's right, with Mike D'Antonio and the New York Knicks. Amare is like another Boozer, he wants to be the guy and he wants to be paid like the guy. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan, she thinks she's a great actor, a role model for society when she's really a walking time bomb. Welcome to the Big Apple Amare, you'll be lucky to win 40 games but you'll be singing Jay Z's, "let's hear it for New York," while your playing.

Joe Johnson - Word around town is that Joe Johnson would take less money to play back under Mike D'Antoni in New York. If he ends up in New York, it might not be a solid squad if they could sign 2 of 3 other solid players. I don't think Joe Johnson is a max player, he disappeared in the playoffs quicker than BP's CEO when the oil spill happened. Johnson reunites with D'Antonio and Amare in New York where they will be the 4 or 5th best team in the east if they sing some other solid players.

Dirk Nowitzki - So Dirk is opting out, does anyone really think he is going anywhere? You know D-bag Cuban will throw a bunch of cash at Dirk to say. Besides, I think with a few roster tweaks, the Mavericks could be pretty filthy next year. They didn't have a ton of time to gel, give them one full season and they'll be in good shape.

Chris Bosh - One thing is for certain, there is no way in hell he's going back to Toronto. Hedo Turkoglu has already said he's out and after that, the pantry is bare bones. Bosh isn't a guy that can carry a team by himself, he needs another new superstar by him. I think he follows LeBron to Chicago. Chiacago and Orlando will fight over the top two seeds in the east with Miami being in third.

It appears the Summer is just starting. Sit back, grab a drink, and enjoy the free agent frenzy!